My Last 10 Wishes :)

This self-confessed hypochondriac was ill whole of last week forcing him to teetotalism and avoiding few other things he would have liked to had... Anyways the point is that during one of my bouts of intense feverishness and the thoughts of brain-fever,meningitis, tumor ( tumor was never much of an issue I felt if its was tumor then I can ask Mithun-da to shoot a bullet and the tumor will come out ) and other fiendish thoughts came to my mind. However the thought of having a only few days to live did not make a chill run down my spine. Then I started thinking the 10 things I would love to do before I ascend towards Paradise ;) . Here they are in no particular order...

1. Hog on my mothers' few special recipes and my sisters' special black dal and finish off with desert at Corner House with Death by Chocolate.
2. Watch Sachin make a century in the second innings of a Test match and propel India to victory. (Prefereably at MCG in the Boxing Day test match)
3. Share a drink or hang out with all my friends (probably one group at a time) and keep talking through the night about all the good old days :)
4. Hug and thank my family for being what they are. I couldn't have hoped for more.
5. Listen to most my favourite songs per se ( Pehla Nasha, With or Without you, AfterGlow etc ) and watch Dead Poets Society again.
6. Kiss the girl of my dreams on her lips with the background playing Pearl Jam's Last Kiss
   
7. Thank God for everything. Everything.
8. Write a book about Life :) How easy is it being a Group B !!
9. End with a smile with a P.G. Wodehouse or a HitchHikers Guide to Galaxy

So actually the problem is that there will be so much of boozing and smoking might go along with these things that I guess I wont have time for 10 things :)
If God happens give consent to this list, I might actually achieve immortality because of reason number 6 :)

Tantra Ka Mantra

Some definitions before we go ahead
Tantra : A disc in Kolkata where Group B people are charged exorbitant rates only because they are stags.( Maybe we should go to the consumer forum )
A1, A2 two girls from the other group (one-which-should-not-be-named)
B1, B2 two Group B members who wish and try lucklessly to move to the other group
For clarifications of grouping theory please read : http://theconfuzedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2006/06/what-is-group-b.html ) On an eventful Thursday evening, all four people decide to pay a visit to Tantra. The four of us leave our guest house, never having entered a disc before. There is excitement, nervousness, and tension in the air, as B1 remarks that "the IIT-JEE exam was easier than this, atleast only the examiner knew about our mistakes whereas here all eyes will be on you". (Well we did assume wrongly that all eyes will be on us)
So, all four of us enter the disc in nervous apprehension. (Ab aage jo hoga manzoore khuda hoga)
Ohh I forgot... The disc.. Tantra is the place where the song "Fanaa" from the movie Yuva was shot.. Yes Viveik Oberoi and Kareena Kapoor... Super Cool !! Na??
Hmm... so our tension was well justified. And we paid the bouncers 600/- for the entry.. yes yes couple entry WAS NOT FREE !! So of the 4, I m the one who was most experienced... coz I had come to the doorstep of the same disc and had been turned away and the others had not even ventured to see the entrance of one ;) So I was overjoyed at the thought of crossing the hurdle and be able to not just see the entrance but also enter. What an achievement!!
So we enter..... and lo-behold...
No No.. Viveik and Kareena were not dancing... Actually the thing was that it seemed as if we had walked into a place with awesome-dingy lights and NO LIVING CREATURES apart from a bartender and probably one another guy ( a software proffesional who seemed to be happy boozing alone)
Ohh by the way I forgot to tell you guys one important detail... the time was around 9:30pm
Is that early ??? I guess that early is an understatement... It was as die-hard Rajnikanth fans do, sleep near the Cinema Hall on Thursday night to get First Day First Show tickets. Yeah we were that early..
Anyways.. we made ourselves comfortable on the beanbags and couches available and a kind waiter gave us the menu... HAI ALLAH !!!!
kya tha be.. college hi thik tha.... kitna sasta hota tha mooh geela karna... You get the same drink at twice/thrice its cost... what are the charging us for..?? ambience, music, eye-tonics...
Hmmm.. KF beer it was for B1 and B2... and yes A1 does not drink and A2 was interested...
So we sip the overcharged beer and try and figure where exactly were Kareena and Viveik gyrating ?? The place looked so small to fit so many extras...
We are trying ways to pass time, A1 tries to find how good the loo is, A2 is tempted by the menu card and likes all the fundoo names but chances to see the numbers of digits written to the right of the exotic item are a little too many, as B1 watches the cricket match, B2 happens to explore the lounge above when he is almost admonished by the waiter saying that the lounge was only for Members ( Members of a DISC !!?????)
As we wait and wait and havent even shaked a leg, A2 starts worrying how we will go back to the guest house from Tantra if its too late. Anyways we take inspiration from a couple who hit the dance floor to start proceedings. We landed on the dance floor, trying to dance, and Tantra people had helped us by placing mirrors right in front of the dance floor so that one can see how well others were dancing and raise our level of self-consciousness !!!
So we try dancing to the Hip-Hop beats played by the DJ... yes only hip-hop/rap nothing else.. yes we were expecting Bhangra, Bhojpuri, Nagpuri, Hindi and then topped off by any rock headbanging... but we got numbers which hadnt even heard before, wasnt even worth dancing!! I had not practised the dance steps in the bathroom ( in the morning ) for hip-hop/rap... Alas... yahan bhi Group B ka saath raha... anyways... we start get conscious becoz people around us ( that will add upto 8+4 including us ;) ) are dancing very well to hip-hop.. ohh not that couple who started proceedings ( uncle was wearing a wig and aunty had fitted herdelf into a dress whose description i refrain from giving ) .. they were waltzing to hip-hop.. we were better off, we did our traditional Govinda dance and Manoj Tiwary steps..
Now what, its not even 11pm.. we are glancing at our watches, going to the loo, talking on phone, watching Dravid score a blitzkrieg 92 off 62 balls, roaming here and there, trying to pass some time before we give a repeat performance of the same steps again !!!
We had a great time in laughing at others, passing comments on other people (they would have done the same with us... we looked like eskimos in Sahara Desert.. no no.. we did not dress like that )
It was tough to pass time yaar... it would have been simpler if the booze was cheaper, get drunk.. time passes in a jiffy !!! A2 had sipped and smeelled beer, so she felt high already and had now started worrying again about reaching back...
We waited to celebrate B1's birthday there at 12'o' clock... No cake cutting.. just a bottoms up of a pint of beer... thats the way to do it... :)
By then we realized/started thinking one or more things.. maybe we went to the wrong place... maybe the place was not good enough.. maybe we were too uptight.. maybe the DJ sucked real bad...maybe we tried being someone which we arent... what the heck... I was more than happy to have entered Tantra with my head held high and without being humiliated by the bouncer :) maybe the joy was ephemeral... so what... :)

And yes... I had always this post in mind when I was at Tantra.. :)

An offer you cannot resist.....

5th of November, 2:12pm... My cell phone rings ( its a Nokia N-72 )
Caller : hello sir, I m Taniya calling from IHRSA (I wonder what it is ). Sir, you have won our lucky mobile number contest. You can come and collect your gift coupon worth Rs.7000 ( yes you can imagine my face )
Me : What ?? come again?? What organisation?? Why have I won it ?? What do I have to do to collect it ? ( I could go to any corner of the earth for 7grand I guess )
Taniya : Sir, you can come to this XYZ place at some time between 8-9PM and collect your gift voucher for 7K.. You dont have to take any other offers.. You just come and collect it during our "ceremony" ..
Me : NO STRINGS ATTACHED ?? ( I wanted to ask is this some prank call .. but dint.. some courtesy for the sweet voice talking )
Taniya : Yes Sir, Sir you can come along with family...
Me: I m single ( under my breath : ready to mingle )

Taniya gives me the address and I counter check it with twice.. I did not want to be known as the person who let 7k slip by because he could not reach the right place at the right time.
I m all happy and dreamy. I plan this splurge and that splurge and that daaru and this daaru..
I chat with my friends one of whom warns me " अबे यह सब जगह संभल के जान, ज्यादा कीमती सामन ले कर मत जाना"... I m like half mocking him..
I feel God has been kind with me... I m happy with life.. What has not God not given in my life ( apart from a girlfriend which I m ready to forget about if he gives me enough money )
I take an auto to that place.. (Rich dude I am.. I m getting richer by 7k.. why not take an auto...)
Its in the ground floor of a huge building.. There is only word to describe the office .... BAKWAS !!!
Its like that really big tea shop modelled into an office.. Posters of Highland Home Holidays adorning the walls..Pictures of families enjoying their holidays ( atleast looking happy and taking a sun-tan near poolside ) So one guy escorts me to a plastic table and introduce himself.. He asks me a few questions ( salary, occupation etc... ) and says "Sir, my executive will come and talk to you".. I m like cool.. executive... Next comes a guy who says "Hello Sir, myself Ravi " (one word description in सड़क छाप accent ) He starts asking me "Do you know why you are here??" I wanted to say to take the 7k and get the hell out of here but said something like that your executive had called ( Maybe I will be meeting her ) and blah blah...
He started talking about IHSRA (visit http://www.ihsra.org/ ) and Highland Home Holidays.. its history and all that jack shit about which I was least bothered. I told him " Can you make this a little quick I have to go back to office for a conference call " ( Never in my life have I said a lie as white as that ).. So he asked to give him a survey on the basis of which he will decide whether I was eligible for an offer or not.. The survey comprised of questions like
"Where were your last holiday destinations" ( Ans : Mumbai, Puri, Hyderabad )
"What do you do on weekends" ( Ans : Movies, friends, home.. I wanted to say MOCK CAT dete hain !! )
"How much do you spend on holidays every year" ( Ans: ohhk..around 7k .. who cares!!)

"Dream destinations" ( Ans : Jamshedpur , BIT hostel 3 ka terrace?? Ladakh )
So now he calls upon his manager who will decide whether I m eligible for this supposedly splendid offer they are giving.... Another सड़क छाप manager comes who informs me that I should be happy that I m eligible for this GREAT offer..

THE OFFER :

• Every year one week stay at a 5 star resort ( run by Highland Homes Holiday ) which are at Mahabalipuram (2), Bangalore, Lonavala, Hyderabad... no not for free.. for Rs 550/- a day for 4 family members... if its not one of their resorts but some resort with which they have tie-up.... 650/- a day/ room... ( Honestly cheap iff its a 5Star resort )
• Club memberships... any club in Bangalore... You can go enjoy your weekend ;)
• 25 years or 99 years membership duration
• Annual maintenance fee (apart from membership fee ) 7000/-
• And now the killer ... 2.3 lakhs membership fee...

I found this to be the perfect opportunity to take the 7k gift voucher and run... and said "its too much yaar.." He says.. " Yes sir, we have a better offer".. ( I m like... shit yaar... ) "You can take a 2yr membership... 11000 only... and same offers as before.. we are offering this only today and you are very lucky you know... and you can pay monthly instalments.. and no tax and blaah blaah "

I think a lot about it... I say good offer but no.. I dont save enough cash... He says " Sir we have another offer for you " ( I was like.. You must be kidding.. कहाँ आ गायें यार !! ) 6000 buks a year and the same offer to you sir, valid for a year... I m like please let me go.. give me my GIFT and let me go...

He goes and gets me an envelope... I think ahh.. I will buy this and that with that money.. Party time!!!! and lo behold he opens the envelope... Its a 2days 3nights stay in any of their supposedly 5 star resorts for a family.... If you think its good ... let me tell you whats even better... ITS NOT EVEN FREE !!!! you have to pay 550/day/room....

Yes, for once I thought my luck had changed.. for once I thought I may take leave of GROUP B ( read more if you havent heard this term... http://theconfuzedphilosopher.blogspot.com/2006/06/what-is-group-b.html ) and enjoy what my luck has brought me... But I am what I am ....

The Return of the Philosopher

Hello everyone.. long time no see... :)
Well life has taken me through a lots of ups ( highs ) and thankfully few downs in the intermediate time between my two articles..
The philosopher is currently in Bangalore.
( WARNING TO ALL GROUP B MEMBERS : Its almost as if the whole of the city looks down upon you if you are single. Its as if a question is written on their faces when they see you : What kind of a loser are you ?? What have you been doing for so many years ??)
Apart from this somewhat smallish problem the city is bearable.
So the company I work for has sent to me another firms' office to work because they dont have enough space in the office!! ( Just kidding ..) The lunch variety we get there is awesome..
Bangalore restaurants are good, but aint good for people like me who need to have their dinner outside everyday.. How much of that oil and masala can my body take in ?? (After all that wonderful things consumed in the last semester of the college .. Special mention to the Bhelpuri @ R#15, H#3, BIT Mesra and the Hostel#3 terrace)

How much money can I spend on dinner everyday ? Such a process.. look at the menu.. i mean look at the right side of the menu where the costs are.. sort in ascending order mentally... and settle down at something.. and if you order only one sabji.. the waiter will say.. "Saar anything yelse ?? " and will look at you as if you are committing a heinous crime by ordering only one sabji in such a huge restaurant.
Also another problem is the restaurant to choose. The place where I live is a wonderful locality.. lots of places to eat.. starting from the road side chinese thelawaala to the posh 120Rs a plate restaurant.. but where can I find a place to eat "ek dum peth-bhaar ke ghar ka khaana types "...
And Lo Behold!!! thats my house!!! where I have a gas, microwave, a rusted-toaster, a decent fridge (in which the only liquid materials are Old Monk, Smirnoff, Sprite and yes..Heinz Ketchup ) and other utilities.
The chef ( used interchangeably with the philosopher from now on ) makes anda-bhujia (read Scrambled eggs ) and Maggi... Now that is a great achievement for a person who is just over 75kilos and has rarely set foot in the kitchen for other than eating/tasting purposes..

Its an amazing feeling when you know you have emerged a winner against all odds.. Its like what Joginder Sharma must be feeling after the India-Australia match..
And when you make Alu-Bhujia ( reading the recipe from a pamphlet which my sister forced me to write ) you feel like Yuvraj Singh hitting six- sixers... ( Thankfully I have not yet had the opportunity of feeling like Misbah-ul-Haq, where your plans fail when you try something real smart )
Its nice too cook wearing an apron and all :) makes you realise that cooking is not rocket science.. but however we normal human beings can NEVER get somewhere near to our super-human Mothers who spend half their life time in a kitchen trying to feed their best (somewhat secret ) recipes to their kids when they come back home and the love attached with it is sorely missed everytime we eat outside.

And by the way.. I will be trying out Rice today... ( supposedly a cakewalk :) )... inshah allah jeet humaari hogi

Thanks to a lot of people whom I have forced to read my blog and in return they have forced me write more..
Special thanks to my sister: without her efforts I would hardly have the enthu to cook

....... CRUSHES......

" a touch of love turns us all into poets "--- Plato

(This article of mine is dedicated to all people who at any point of time in their lives have had a crush on someone and to all my crushes. This is written in a guys' voice but I think and hope that girls views would not differ much.)
One of the best things about crushes is that it is one of those rare experiences in life where you get sheer joy just at the sight of someone. If she is in your class or tuitions ( as it happened with me for the first time at school) you would love to turn back and catch a glimpse of her and then console yourself that you are not being too conspicuous. Many a time she might even stare back at you and that will be the last time you look at her that day because you start thinking "have I been too obvious? what will she be thinking of me?". But these are as I said one of the most exciting and heartbeat-speeding-up moments in the "crushed" person's life. His heart starts racing when she did not turn up at the prayer assembly at the start of the day at school or when she did not pick up the phone or reply to a message. You will think "is this right? what did I do to hurt the sweet girl ?"
Yes, I say "sweet girl" as I can assure you that 9 times out of 10 people like me have crushes on girls who are the "girl next door" types, on whom other guys will comment "Abey yehh??"
Anyways apart from trying to be the most discreet person and coming across her path by mistake ( which I dont remember trying ), we guys are in dreamland talking to her, hearing her laugh and smile (at your jokes). The above quote by Plato is quite true, we all write songs in the back pages of our college notebooks in those droning lectures not for anything but for someone we are thinking about. ( my favourite being Iris by Goo Goo Dolls .." I dont want the world to see me, coz I dont think that they will understand"...). The smile she gives you sets your day and spirits in a totally different direction. You see the whole world in a different colour but alas never thru her eyes.
If I have anything against having a crush on someone is just that we keep on imagining stuff and start believing what are our hearts wants to be true. Though it might lead to heartache which gets drowned in a peg of vodka and headbanging on One Last Kiss by Pearl Jam or by contemplating while listening to Coming Back to Life by Floyd but then think again.... you cannot blame the sweet girl coz you did not have the guts to come out and tell her.

Ode to Friendship....

As cliched and corny the title of this article sounds... thank you for reading on....

The philosopher got a job... in a company... ( i am not taking names here..) so he will not be as jobless as he was last summer...
So i will switch to first person now.. I saw the whole process of our placements from a very close distance and had some amazing things to note....

People pass judgements and take a guess of the persons' abilities... friends just know your abilities

When one does not get thru an interview or a written test.... people sympathise and console and move on...whereas friends stand there silently making their prescence felt

When you get thru a company... people smile and congratulate...friends dance with you

When you are not trying enough... people say nothing... friends inspire you

well these are not all... (i would love it if you guys add more)
As I have been thinking throughout this semester.. that this my penultimate semester of freedom... Ya because I will be moving out to the Corporate world come next July.. God knows whats in store for all of us. College and school had lots of freedom i believe or maybe it made me feel so, i dont know what awaits us next year... maybe some more freedom..
Well but where will all our mates in college be.. how many will talk to each other after that?? how many treats will we miss?? how many marriages of friends will we attend?? more importantly.. how many will be in contact with each other..
Yes in this age of digital stuff and blah-blah... we can chat and stuff.... but please how can one replace those talks when the lights went out in the hostel... those sms exchanges..those walks in the college when we were totally jobless...those passing comments on you-know-whos ;-) and infinitely more unwritable stuff...
Sid of DCH said... "dus saal mein ek baar bhi milna mushkil hoga"... please god let this not be true...
Ya.. we will make new friends.. i felt similar stuff while leaving school and had notions about college... but luckily i am still in contact with almost all my friends.. So maybe its not so negative after all....
but i do echo Rang de Basanti's DJ :

"college ke gate ke is taraf hum life ko nachatein hain...

college gate ke is us taraf life hum ko nachati hain...."

The Philosopher's Mom....

......... this article is dedicated to my mom................

Hello people.. me here in Reliance WebWorld at Jamshedpur, listening to Himesh Reshammiya's latest hitz, updating my blog...

Well, actually I overheard my mom talking to her tuition students ( she takes Maths tuitions for students from 4th- 10th Standard) today. She was something like a kid, talking to them, relating some incident that had occured and laughing her heart out at the joke. As she says, that is the only time of the day she feels all her energies at the highest level, when she is teaching her students. Even if she is sick, she would prefer to take tuitions, just for the energy she gets from teaching, talking, advising these kids.

There have been an amazing variety of students that have attended her classes. Brilliant, dull, average, absolutely dull. But the best part is that she has only one scale of judgement. She works equally hard for her students. But that is not what this is about....

She has CHANGED students, intellectually yes, but more importantly taught the about life, manners, living together, enjoying together. There was one one student who had joined her classess after his brother's death and a very quiet chap. After 2 years at her classes, he could not stop talking. She has changed lives.... The students come and tell her all stuff about their school, parents, home etc.... She patiently listens to them and has a solution to it. She probably offers more as a mentor to these children.

There have been occasions when the kids have come and told my mom about their parents, ( right or wrong , I am not judging ) because there are cases when teenagers do not like the kind of environment at home and my mom has taken amazingly smart steps to tell this very indirectly to the parents, just casually mentioning that they can do something to improve.

There was one 6th standard girl who wanted to leave home and go to a hostel, there was no girl whose mom used to compare her with her sister, there was a guy who wont talk, there was a girl who had to cope with all co-curricular activities, did not find time to play..... many more.. the cases differ from year to year.

Every year my mom, will undergo this phase of depression when after a session some students leave for Science package tuitions ( teachers teaching Maths, Physics, Chem) and she would in fact happily advise them to go there and leave her tuitions. But the disappointment she feels is when, the students do not look back nor come back and meet her or pay the last months fees.

All of a sudden she feels betrayed by the students she felt were like her children. Thankfully, new students join in, she moves on, and seriously money is never an issue for her. There have been students whom she has taught for free ( this was creamy layer reservations not caste based )

Weel, every Teachers' Day she enjoys more than her birthday or Mothers' Day coz the children do something different every year. And she will call me up at college and will always keep me updated about her students, and bubbling with enthusiasm she will relate all stories to me.

This article does not do enough justice to her, but just I wanted to share this with you guys, something different from my previous posts.